When life sounds like a broken record
WHY
An unexpected turn of events. Something goes wrong. And then a sense of déjà vu: life sounds like a broken record endlessly repeating the same old song.
Alice-"What a bad day I had today!"
Bob-"What's the matter sweetie?"
Alice-"At work they are always telling me what to do, I just can't stand it anymore."
Bob-"You should explain them that having more autonomy would make you more productive”
Alice-"Well, I have told them, but they just don't understand!"
Bob-"What about looking for another job? I am sure you could find a better one.”
Alice-"I am not stupid! I have thought of it!"
Bob-"Why are you getting so angry! I am only trying to help!"
Does it sound familiar? Maybe not. On the other hand, most of us have some type of repetitive behaviours which ends up with everyone feeling bad. Dr. Eric Berne called such behaviours Psychological Games and he described many in his famous bestseller Games People Play.
TRYDo you want to stop playing games? Change is possible and asking what you really need might point you in the right direction.
Alice-"What a bad day I had today, I need to talk!"
Bob-"I am really sorry you had a bad day. How can I help you?"
Alice-"Just stay here with me and listen. I feel better afterwards"
Bob-"Ok, but I want to give you my suggestions later.”
Alice-"Deal! So, I was chatting with my colleague Julie, when Henry came and told me to ...."
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Comments
It is true, we tend to have a near-future goal in mind, thinking that we will be happy as soon as we reach it and very often, what happens is that, as soon as we reach that goal, we immediately want another one. But that does not necessarily mean we are unhappy at present.
It could be positive, because wanting something, having a wish, a desire keeps us alive and make us really want to live life to the full. If we had no dreams and wishes, what life would it be? It simply means wanting to look forward and not necessarily remaining stuck where we are.
Obviously, I refer to everyday little satisfactions or personal achievements that help us grow and increase our personal fulfillment such as wanting to increase our knowledge,learning new subjects or new languages, travelling, obtaining a job one likes. But if this were to transform itself into wanting more money or more power, it could become self-destructive. So I believe "wanting" is healthy as long as we don't seek that which is bigger than us and beyond our control.
However, seeking happiness in having new goals does not necessarily apply to all spheres of life. I think that is one level of happiness and then there are others which run parallel to it. First and foremost: love; i was lucky enough to reach that goal, and at the moment i feel that i am rich enough in that sense and i don't feel the need to seek for more.
Another level of happiness which i love to experience is the everyday routine happiness, the joy of having breakfast, of going to the same coffee shop, of walking along the same streets, of following the same tv programme, of waiting on the same bus stop, the sound of the door opening at around 7 pm every evening...
those little habits and everyday moments that are part of us; and in the past years, I learnt how to transform the daily routine into daily happiness.
Posted by: Giselle Spiteri Miggiani
We are actors on this stage that's our life. We play different characters everyday, following what we have learned in our childhood. The first stage of the human intelligence is the "imitation". We obvserve the environment around us and we tend to repeat what we hit our sensitivity. We repeat our parent's behaviours, our friend's behaviours...and we are not always able to distinguish which behaviours are good or bad, which ones lead us toward the happiness or the crazyness. The awareness of this conditions can help us to control the "character" we are playing and to control better our inter-relationships.
Posted by: Paolo Fidicaro