On the ability of understanding a person’s past, present and likely future, after a 3-minute conversation on any topic - Part One
Would you like to know what the new boss really wants, what the handsome Mystery Man is really after, what that Gorgeous Brunette is truly looking for? Would you be interested in discovering something about their past, how they perceive their present, and what might await them in the future? When we were little, we found strategies to get our needs met and to adapt to the demands of our parents. Thanks to the research of Dr. Stewart and Dr. Joines, we know that such strategies stay with us in adult life and can be grouped in 6 Personality Adaptations.
Adaptations are echoes of the past, are here in the present, and outline a possible future. We constantly give unconscious cues of what our adaptation is, and, with a bit of practice, it is easy to understand the Personality Adaptation of someone we have just met.
Today we start with the Responsible Workaholic, my very own Adaptation!
Meet Marco, a Responsible Workaholic
When Marco was little, his parents emphasized the importance of achievement: fortunately Marco had a degree of success in school and he began to enjoy “doing things right”. Marco was praised for how mature he was for his age, and was his mum’s “little man”.
Growing up, Marco became a hard working man, a reliable professional trusted by his peers. Surprisingly, he is not as high up on the career ladder, as some of its early successes might have predicted.
Marco is socially skilled but sometime he became tense in large groups: he generally prefers to relate one to one. A few people experience him as boring, all work and little play. Marco likes things to be clean. Sometimes he has obsessive thoughts or ritualistic behaviors: for example, he knows that checking 3 times that the door is locked will not make him any safer, but he does it anyway!
Marco finds it difficult to have fun if he hasn't finished all his work: if he continues to overwork both his health and his family will be negatively affected.
If you were to meet Marco, you would quickly understand his Personality because…
- When he speaks, his eyes look upward (sometime downward) and to the side during pauses.
- He often put sentences in “parenthesis” (e.g. “as it were”, “that is to say”, “as we have seen”)
- His voice is clearly modulated and his words are carefully chosen
- His mouth is slightly tense (pulled out at corners) and his postures is generally upright
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Comments
so, having identified that marco is a responsible workaholic .... how can i use this info?
Posted by: Celestine
Hello Celestine,
Maybe an example could help here. An individual who has a certain adaptation will usually prefer to be approached in a corresponding way. (it is called Ware Sequence) For example, if you understand that someone is a Responsible Workaholic, you will get the best results by approaching him first with ideas, expressing no emotional content, and not implying that he should change in any way his behaviour.
With a bit of practice, by concentrating for a few minutes on 3 or 4 unconscious cues, you will be able to tell the Personality Adaptation of someone you've just met, hence accessing a great deal of information about him. Such information could help you communicating more effectively.
Furthermore, understanding our own Personality Adaptation can give us insights on who we are and how we differ from other people.
PS: If you want to read a short description of the other Adaptations, take a look at http://www.psychsongs.com/adaptations.htm
Posted by: Marco
Hi
You are The Best!!!
Bye
Posted by: Terabanitoss