Even Happier

A room full of people. You are looking around. Some guys are really good looking! Others much less so… And suddenly… you see him. You have to know him. There is something special that makes him irresistible.

Why are we attracted to certain people and not to others?

I don’t think there is a single answer to that question, and even if there was one, I am not sure I would want to know! So, if you don’t want to know too, stop reading before it’s too late! :)

Attraction is a complex matter: evolutionary, social, and psychological factors all work together in ways which are hard to decipher. On the other hand, some of us seem to be attracted always to the same type of partner. Initially things look different, but then it all ends with everyone feeling sad: somehow life keeps on repeating itself.

For example, ten years ago I was regularly attracted to women who were physically or mentally unwell. After 3 failed relationships, I finally saw a pattern: I was doing the same unhealthy choices again and again; it was time to have a chat with a good counselor to sort things out.

Why was I attracted only to certain women and not to others? Because they played complementary roles in the Psychological Games I unconsciously needed to play.

I was a Rescuer, so I needed a Victim. The attraction was heightened by the fact that the Victim also needed a Rescuer to play her Game! From time to time, the Victim would switch role, and become a Persecutor shouting at me for “not helping her enough”: how sad it was to live inside the Drama Triangle!

And what about you? Do you see any pattern at all in your last 3 relationships? Or maybe you have a friend who seems to be always attracted to the the same type of partner?