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Child CHANGE IS NOT ALWAYS EASY. We might decide to stop smoking, we think we should really quit, we ought to do it for our own sake, and in the end nothing changes: it felt heavy, it was too much work, and something within ourselves rebelled against it.

How could that happen? When we impose limitations on our behavior, we often place ourselves on the side of our inner Parent, giving orders, saying DON’T, asking for obedience in a way which might be resented: most children would be pretty angry if you forbid them to play their favorite game!

In Transactional Analysis Counseling we have a saying: “Get the Child on your side”. Let’s say I want to stop smoking, how do I “Get the Child on my side”? Playfully, lightly, maybe deciding that “when I feel like smoking a cigarette, I’ll have a sexual fantasy instead!” or “with the money I save from cigarettes, I’ll buy myself a little present everyday!”. Focus on saying yes to something healthier, rather than just saying no. Teach your Child a brand new game, he will soon get bored to play the same old one.

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Comments

A sexual fantasy instead of a cigarette? Interesting, I might become very naughty!

WoW...nice idea man.

I found many difficulties in changing something I think it's not good in my life. The way seem to be always the way of NO...but I like the way you suggest.

Of course I heard it in my lifetime many times but I think I am slow and I need to hear the things more and more times...

Giving a small present to me everyday seem to be a nice idea...even if I do not smoke I do a lot of bad things that i would be happy to change in me.

Thanks for this sharing to everybody.

Hello friend!
you created the special site xD

What wonderful advice and something that I need right now. Thank you for sharing :)

REALLY COOL IDEA. I HAVE BEEN WANTING TO QUIT . NOW I HAVE A WAY

Daria: Good to hear that my words arrived at the right time :)

Ute: Yes! Try something exciting and new instead of the old stinking cigarettes ;)

:) I am trying to quit smoking right now. I hope this works because it seems like every time I have tried... LIFE got in the way. Too Much Stress to quit I always said. Now I am down to less than a pack a day... Maybe soon I will have quit completely.

Thanks for sharing what you are going through Erich. I think you have start realising that Nothing just works. You can decide to stop smoking or You can decide to continue smoking. You can make it works.

I was wondering what I could do to keep myself from having so many sexual fantasies. Maybe I should start smoking? Ha, just kidding. This does work and we each have the ability to do so many things if we just let ourselves.

I just found your site, read your article, and fell in love. What a great site and brilliant writing. I will visit often!
Thanks for the fun post!

Interesting dilemma. As a person who has a sexual smoking fetish, fantasizing about it would only make the cravings worse. I thought this wasn't that wierd until I heard that sex-addict supermodel on TV who had an amputee fetish. I thought that missing limbs would cause disgust, but wow. Different strokes for different folks, and all that. I guess we all have to find our object of disgust/fantasy and use that. I guess.

Karen: or maybe you could bring your fantasies into your real sex life ;)

Perplexed: mmmh, maybe you could think about how to celebrate another smoke free day? Or you could decide which little present to purchase with the money you have saved by not purchasing cigarettes? Have fun in thinking crazy things you could do when the craving comes, and remember that you can use the power of your inner child to change just about any habit: smoking is just an example. Ciao

My counselor has suggested paying a bit more attention to my inner child, being nicer to my inner child, rewarding my inner child, etc... and she definitely agrees that I should quit smoking for any and all reasons... but we've never made the connection. THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!

Smokey: Hoooooooray!!!!!!

i smoke,i drink, i do drugs and punctuation, get over it! oh yeah i don't do f@@k@@g blogs! cool

I taught my dog to pleasure me, and I've gotten over the cravings this way. Whenever i feel the need for a fag, I call "Cosmo," and we play a variety of sexual games together.

I no longer smell like smoke, but I'm afraid there might be other side effects besides the new, less objectionable smells.

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