Even Happier

I’m Ugly.

Actually, I’m not, but there was a time in which I was convinced of being fat and unattractive.

People would tell me I was only slightly overweight, but I would not believe them: all I could see in the mirror was my big belly.

In time, I changed the way I think about myself, and I learned to take better care of my body: I was a good looking man after all, and women began to notice…

Today, I’m happily married with an intelligent and beautiful woman: I know that without my increased self-esteem I would have never approached her in the first place, and I would have rationalised my inaction by thinking she was probably silly and superficial – in other words, boring – as some good looking girls are.

And what about you? Do you ever feel stupid, ugly, nerdy, or dull? The following list of tips will give you practical ways to improve your self-esteem. I have split the list in three sections: pick the one that suits you best.   Read more >>

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“At least a portion of your mind is really kind of stupid. If it had an innate intelligence, it would remind you of the things you needed to do only when you could do something about them.” [David Allen - Getting Things Done]

In his famous book, David Allen says we often worry at very inappropriate times:
- You are having a nice dinner, and in the back of your mind you’re worrying about tomorrow’s meeting.
- You are enjoying a well deserved holiday, but you can’t stop thinking of what you’ll need to do when you get back home.

In order increase both productivity and peace of mind, Allen proposes a comprehensive method for “Getting Thing Done,” which could help you becoming more effective.

On the other hand  if you don’t worry just of your to-do list  Allen’s book will be of limited help in calming your mind: you need other tools to deal with other kinds of worries.

So what are you worrying about? Take a look at the following list, and see if you recognize yourself at least in one of the 7 worrier profiles. I’ll then describe a set of strategies which you can use to reduce your worries.   Read more >>

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He might be a dear friend, or maybe he is your father. Trouble is that he is now gone for good and there was still so much to say! Has he passed away or has he simply left? Well, the result is the same: you can’t talk with him anymore, and yet you think about him almost every day.

Maybe you haven’t expressed your love as you wished to, or maybe there were angry words to be said: it is all stuck here, deep inside of you, and it is making your life less happy than it should be.

The good news is that you can free yourself from the ghosts of your past: the memory of your loved ones will stay, but you’ll think about them in a more relaxed and less frequent fashion. Interested?

The steps below are adapted from the famous two-chair technique, successfully used by counselors and psychotherapists all over the word. Combine two-chair work with a Separation Ritual, and you get the Ghostbuster: my supercharged tool for letting your past stay where it belongs too…   Read more >>

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"Sometimes I feel the solution is right there, and yet I just can’t see it". Transactional Analysis calls it discounting, or unawarely ignoring information relevant to the solution of a problem.

In other words, usually we can’t find a way forward because we are ignoring useful information without even realizing it.

Now think of your problem for a moment, then read the following story, and answer the questions in Italic: good ideas will come up.   Read more >>

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Nighty night. But then the nightmare begins… You might have one bad dream that keeps coming back. Let’s see how to get rid of the little bugger in 4 easy steps.

1. Tell your dream using the present tense: you are reliving it in this very moment

2. Describe your dream from the perspective of a positive character. ‘I am the Moon in your dream and I watch the Monster trying to harm you. I would like to help you, but my place is up in the sky, so I can’t come to the rescue’   Read more >>

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With a genuine smile, the eyes' muscles are contracted pulling the cheeks upward and producing wrinkles around the eyes (crow’s feet). Research by Guillaume Duchenne shows how difficult it is to voluntarily generate a similar action: if such eye contractions are not there, the smile is probably fake. Dr. Paul Elkman research adds other 3 criteria, so we can summarise all of them with the list below:   Read more >>

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I hated doing the washing up!

Meet Marco: he is 13 years old, now is 4 PM, and his best friend has just called him because he has free tickets for the most awaited soccer match of the year. The match starts at 5 PM. Unfortunately, Marco has a lot of dishes to clean before his mum allows him to go out. Anger is mounting by the minute “Mum is Evil!!”, then an idea struck him: “ I could do the washing up faster, If I use more hot water and I move my hands quickly, I should be able to clean up everything in time for the match. Let’s get started!” [Washing up takes place…]. “I made it! It was not that bad after all; actually I even enjoyed it a bit…”   Read more >>

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