Even Happier

I’m Ugly.

Actually, I’m not, but there was a time in which I was convinced of being fat and unattractive.

People would tell me I was only slightly overweight, but I would not believe them: all I could see in the mirror was my big belly.

In time, I changed the way I think about myself, and I learned to take better care of my body: I was a good looking man after all, and women began to notice…

Today, I’m happily married with an intelligent and beautiful woman: I know that without my increased self-esteem I would have never approached her in the first place, and I would have rationalised my inaction by thinking she was probably silly and superficial – in other words, boring – as some good looking girls are.

And what about you? Do you ever feel stupid, ugly, nerdy, or dull? The following list of tips will give you practical ways to improve your self-esteem. I have split the list in three sections: pick the one that suits you best.

If you are all about doing…

- Change friends. If those around you keep bringing you down, consider finding other people to hang out with.

- Voluntary work. Voluntary work is a great way to feel good about yourself whilst helping others in the process.

- Act as if. Imagine a moment in the future when you’ve got what you wanted. What do you see? Is the sound of your voice any different? What is your posture? How are you dressed? Now bring your awareness back to the present moment and behave as if you already got what you wanted.

- Modelling. Find someone who is already confident in the area which interest you and copy them. Model as many of their behaviors, attitudes, values, and beliefs for the context you want to be confident in as you can. How can you do this? Talk with them if you have access to them. If you don’t have access to them, get as much exposure to them as you can.

If you are in touch with your feelings…

- Feel good movies. There are some films which make you feel at peace with who you are. You feel moved by them, inspired, and happy. My favourite one in 2007 is HairSpray , what’s yours?

- Random Acts of Kindness. Probably the easiest and cheapest way to feel good!

- Self-help tools. Blogs, software, online resources, and so forth: there’s a lot of good stuff out there – and lots of bad stuff too… Have fun discovering what works for you!

- Accept compliments. When I thought I was ugly, I did not believe to people telling me I was good looking, and I was sure they were saying it just to be nice. In general, if you hold a negative belief about yourself, you won’t be receptive to people praising you in that area. Next time someone pays you a compliment, make sure you actually hear it.

- Seek help. Counseling, coaching, pshichotherapy, mentoring or talking with your priest. Go for anything that works for you, but do chose something: we all need advice, and friends and family are often too close to be objective.

If you are a detailed thinker…

- Bibliotherapy. Books can help you improving your life. There’s no problem or life situation which hasn’t been already experienced, examined, and written about: it’s worth reading about it in a book or in a blog.

- Who are you comparing yourself with? Models look good for a living: compare yourselves to normal people, and you’ll have a more objective view of yourself. In general, remember to compare yourself with people less gifted than you are.

- Disarm the internal negative voice. There’s a negative voice which keeps bringing you down. To disarm it, imagine a volume control and lower the volume. Or how about changing the internal voice to Mickey Mouse? Do you think you could take Mickey Mouse seriously if he were criticizing you? Finally, if Mickey Mouse insists on saying bad things about yourself, try a little disputing.

- List the benefits of an improved self-esteem. A good way to fire up you desire to change, is having a full picture of all the positive things you will be bringing into your life, and of all of the negative ones you will be moving away from.

- Make the Most of Success. Low self-esteem requires a particular attitude towards success: whenever you succeed at something, you must either forget about it, or quickly write it off' as good luck, chance, or someone else's responsibility. To gain a more realistic view of yourself, celebrate every little accomplishment, and make sure you take appropriate credit for your successes.


See also:
The 7 beliefs of the super-happy people